Big Skies

I’ve been practicing free writing for a while now, and it is interesting how I can write in English or Spanish interchangeably without consciously choosing to.
Reading back, I can sometimes feel that writing in English allows me to tap into the depths of my mind, all those unconscious thoughts and patterns, while in Spanish, my mother tongue, I speak from a raw emotion or channel deep feelings from my ancestors and beyond.

I can be surprised by the words that come through, either way. And I guess having my Moon in the 3rd house in Virgo does speak about my need to make sense of my emotions through my mind in an “organized” way, so in the end, this practice is one of my favorite rituals.

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Feeling agitation in my chest
like a butterfly trying to escape
and bouncing back from the left side
a mess of ideas in my head
I don’t know where to begin
is there a beginning,
or is it just a big ball of yarn all tangled?
does it have an end,
or is it a continuous thread?
So much to do, so little time no,
it is not about the time
I always spend it some other way
it is not about time
it is about me giving myself permission
to do what I want to do
sometimes what I should do
why procrastinate
making long lists to an ever-ending task
I want to breathe deeply
sand, water, and wind
I would love to leave behind
this sense of having to do
I would love to feel
my feet buried on the sand
and water coming in and out
I like to feel the spaciousness
of my heart
my mind

Has the butterfly escaped,
or just fell asleep?

My stomach is worried
feels heavier on the right side
my eyes are opening wider
I would like to create
something different
I’m not sure where to begin
how to hold the brush
or which color to use
I feel it should be lighter,
and open big skies,
big possibilities
a space of dreams and wonder

Excerpt from my Journal. July 2023.